its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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