For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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