I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
