It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
