She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
