I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
