dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
