i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
false alarm. still invincible.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
