the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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