He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
