you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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