Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
