maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just want nice things and good sex
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
