just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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