All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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