Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i was born a porn star she said
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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