This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
