i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Welp...herpes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
