my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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