i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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