so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
