You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
did i just pee glitter
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