I just pynch a tree in the face
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
