I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
