this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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