i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So many bounce houses so little time
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
