last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
