hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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