Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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