Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
