This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
