Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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