I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
