Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
this just has baby written all over it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hippo gnu deer
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
