I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
