Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
