I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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