she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
