So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
