Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
