he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
