It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
