The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
