she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize