its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
