Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
