they need to just BURY HIM!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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