My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
