we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You are the jesus of drinking
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
