i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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