my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize