hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize