I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
