Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
