you would pick up someone in the library
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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