oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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