You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
