I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
