If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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