I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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