I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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