Cold hands, warm shart.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
