Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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