You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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