Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Still dying that you shit outside
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
