Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
