I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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