Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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