Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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