At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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