Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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