did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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