I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
