he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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