Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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