Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
