I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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