Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize