NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
