I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
