id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
