I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
