So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
