no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
