I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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