Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
