i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize