You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
