saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
