I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How's work?
Spinning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
