May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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