while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
