im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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