ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
