If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
